The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize