I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
