Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
