D3 body, D1 cock
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
