last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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