When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
