have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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