You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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