just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
