You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
