I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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