and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
