Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize