How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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