Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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