You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
