UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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