she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
