We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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