id be glad to
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
