whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
