i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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