Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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