My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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