This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
