i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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