I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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