so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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