Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize