508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
