Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
