he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
