fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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