yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
