Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
