Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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