I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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