My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
