dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
