I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"it" just moved
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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