I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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