just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
