finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
