He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
