If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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