I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize