One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
