you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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