At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize