Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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