I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize