He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
