we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
