i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
