you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
