I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
