If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
