apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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