I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Me too!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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