so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
