I hate all girls vehemently.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
