Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
