I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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