I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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