My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
