Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize