I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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