If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
