Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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