it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
