Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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