carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
