She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize