I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
