This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
