does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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