I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
