Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
