Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
