There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
