Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
