I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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