when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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