just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
