I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
