Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we're making bets on your personal life
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
