You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
